Ha’aretz, Israel
June 29 2004

6 comments on the situation

By Yoel Marcus

1. One of the Israeli government’s favorite hobbies over the
generations has been freaking out the public from time to time. At
the moment, it has decided to distribute Lugol to all residents
living in the vicinity of the nuclear reactors in Dimona and Nahal
Soreq. This pill is meant to protect them against radioactive fallout
in the event of a leak, and it is supposed to be on hand in every
household, like gas masks. The question is why, all of a sudden, do
we need them. Has there been a leak that no one told us about? Israel
has always been evasive about its nuclear capacity. So what’s going
on? What gives with these pills? Are we getting ready for a nuclear
war, or just the mega-attack we’ve been obsessing over? Come to think
about it, once the gas masks from the last panic are being recalled,
why not use the opportunity to distribute Lugol to everyone? In any
case, the concerned citizen should be able to walk into the nearest
pharmacy and pick up a bottle. I’ve got a good brand name: Vanunu
Forte.

2. The media recently reported a new invention: a chair with hidden
electrodes that turns into a polygraph machine without the person
sitting in it noticing a thing. If this is true and the chair is on
the market, we should consider buying some for the Knesset, the
government conference room and the living room at Sycamore Ranch. Who
knows? Maybe we’ll catch someone telling the truth.

3. If we hadn’t seen it with our own eyes on live TV, we might have
thought it was a Yatzpan comedy skit. Arafat, dressed to the nines in
his uniform and insignia, festively announced to the world that he
was declaring a hudna – a cease-fire – for the entire period of the
Olympic Games in Greece. On the one hand, it’s not clear what one
thing has to do with the other. On the other hand, it’s beyond me why
he is so anxious to show that he’s a chronic liar. Because if he can
turn the flame up and down as he sees fit, Israel is right in saying
that he orchestrates terror from his seat in the Muqata and nothing
is done without his okay. “If he can get the violence to stop, then
let him do it right now – not for the sake of sports but for the sake
of our lives here.” I had to hear this sentence twice for it to sink
in that the speaker was not Sharon but Yossi Beilin, the last of the
Arafat groupies.

4. Avraham Burg’s decision to quit the Knesset to go into private
business shows that the man is not leadership material. He belongs to
a band of aspiring middle-aged politicians who are good talkers but
lack stick-to-it-iveness. There is no more important asset for a
politician aiming for the top than patience. Britain is a classic
example in this department. Leaders don’t drop down from the sky:
they climb up from below. Parachuting straight to the summit hasn’t
been very successful in this country. Netanyahu and Barak, both
airlifted leaders, suffered a crash landing and resigned from the
Knesset only to try again. As Golda Meir and Pinhas Sapir told Moshe
Dayan when he was an up-and-coming Mapainik: “Patience, young man.
Biology will do the trick.” Dayan was unconvinced. “In that respect,
I can’t rely on you,” he said. But for Dayan’s partner, the
indomitable Shimon Peres, biology is operating in reverse. He’s
beating all the ambitious young `uns and marching toward a unity
government at the age of 81.

5. Dennis Ross, head of the Jewish Agency Institute for Jewish People
Policy Planning, says that the decisions of the Israeli government
don’t take the Jews of the Diaspora into account. He wants official
representatives of the Jewish people to be involved in the
decision-making. Very nice. First let them immigrate to Israel and
serve in the army. Dear Abbys we have aplenty.

6. Turkey, butcher of the Armenians and oppressor of the Kurds,
doesn’t like Israel’s policy in the territories – so much so, that it
has ordered its ambassador in Tel Aviv to return to Ankara for
“consultations.” Now Israel is urging its tourists in Turkey to pack
their bags and come home for consultations. I would say that’s a
fitting diplomatic response, wouldn’t you?