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Last Updated: Friday, 1 October, 2004, 16:50 GMT 17:50 UK

Roxburgh’s EU diary: September

Angus Roxburgh takes a wry look at life in Brussels.

I’ve always felt the EU would do best to avoid stunts with unfortunate
associations – balloons (hot air), circuses (clowns), etc.

Nonetheless, Eurocrats and Euro-hangers-on returned from the summer break
this month to find a huge multi-coloured tent occupying the entire Schuman
roundabout, in the heart of the EU district of Brussels.

Inside this circus big top was an elaborate display, using photo-montage,
cartoons, captions and cardboard cut-outs, to trace the history of Europe –
from the Big Bang (no less) to the present… and well into an imaginary
future.

The exhibition was sponsored by the Dutch government, currently in charge of
EU business, and its vision was one of relentless progress…

A few years from now, the euro becomes the world’s favoured reserve
currency, rather than the dollar.

In 2007 the EU is joined not just by Bulgaria and Romania but by Iceland,
Norway, Croatia and Switzerland. Others, from Armenia to Albania, apply to
join.

In 2015, “the southern half of the Roman Empire returns” – with Morocco,
Algeria, Egypt, Tunisia, Libya, Jordan, Israel and Palestine joining. The EU
becomes known simply as “The Union”.

And how serious are the authors of this vision?

Well, in 2012, they say, to simplify things Chinese is chosen as the EU’s
“single language”. Ah, I see!

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Makeover

The Berlaymont, the huge cross-shaped headquarters of the European
Commission, is finally ready for reopening next month, when the new
Commission moves in.

The revamped Berlaymont will be the source of EU legislation

The paving stones and flower beds are in place, and 25 flagpoles, which they
can’t quite decide what to do with, not wishing to appear premature.

One day they sport 25 blue-and-yellow EU flags, the next just one. Today as
I look out my window at them, there is no flag at all. Tricky business, EU
protocol.

The building has been closed for 12 years for refurbishment and now sports
tilting, heat-sensitive window slats, state-of-the-art air conditioning and
energy-saving ceilings.

Perfect conditions, then, for cool thinking in the commissioners’ huge
offices on the top three floors.

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Qualifications

All 24 prospective commissioners have, meanwhile, spent the month filling in
two questionnaires about their suitability for their jobs.

Peter Mandelson faces a grilling from MEPs next week
It’s the sort of thing mere mortals do before they are appointed to a job,
but commissioners get the job first and then have to explain why they want
it.

“For all my political life I have been interested in Europe’s development,”
said the UK’s Peter Mandelson, trade commissioner-designate. Predictable,
but worth saying.

Ingrida Udre, the commissioner from Latvia, by contrast, was quick to point
out that she had learnt teamwork skills by “playing basketball at an
international level”.

That must be what the strangely shaped outcrop on top of the Berlaymont is –
a basketball court, to help them all get on together.