HUMORISTS FROM MILLI MEJLIS

Azat Artsakh – Nagorno Karabakh Republic [NKR]
14 July 05

The election to the Azerbaijani Milli Mejlis (the parliament) is in
November. The struggle for seats in the parliament has flared up. It
looks like the opposition have made up their minds to teach a lesson
to the authorities and win the majority of seats in the
parliament. And, by the way, they look quite confident int heir
victory. This confidence, first of all, emanates from the standpoint
of the West and first of all the United States which unambiguously let
them understand that it will support the opposition. It is enough to
consider the statement of the US ambassador to Azerbaijan during his
trip to Gyandja at the end of the last month. He particularly said
that the US government seeks to cooperate with democratic countries;
therefore, the US will support Azerbaijan in holding the election in
autumn. The ambassador is hopeful that the election will be fair. The
Karabakh proverb says they tell the complete word to the ass. However,
we are concerned about another thing; will the new parliament be as
amusing as the former? Do the Americans and other representatives of
the West, being so far from the Oriental colourful humour, who are
going to supervise the upcoming election, think about this peculiarity
of the Azerbaijani parliament? If not, its a pity. Because in Baku
they joke that there are two theatres of comedy in the capital of
Azerbaijan. One of them is the theatre of musical comedy, the other is
the Milly Mejlis of Azerbaijan. Moreover, it is generally accepted
that the actors of the theatre of musical comedy cannot compare to
their “colleagues” in Milli Mejlis by their professional skills, where
Speaker Murtus Aleskerov himself plays the role of the “fool”. Its a
pity that no tickets for the “performances” of the Azerbaijani
parliament are sold otherwise the inhabitants of Baku known for their
delicate taste for humour would book the tickets beforehand. This is
not exaggerated. Which parliament of the world would complain of the
symbol of justice Themis, more exactly the band around her eyes? What
is more, the meeting when the complaint was lodged was conducted by a
doctor of law. The answer is the Milli Mejlis of Azerbaijan. Four
years ago, discussing the bill on the official symbol of the court of
justice, Member of Parliament Hasan Mirzoyev from the ruling political
party Yeni Azerbaijan stated with a practical air that the eyes and
ears of judges should be wide open in order for them to be objective
in considering the case. In answer to this Member of Parliament
Aliovsat Aghalarov noticed that the eyes of the judges can be open but
their pockets should be buttoned. In this meeting they could not do
without “anti-Armenianism” either. One of the parliamentary
“humorists” did not like the scales in the hand of Themis, which
allegedly resembles the Armenian cross. It was even proposed to
replace the scales with the yataghan of Khatayi Shah. After long
disputes presided by Murtus Aleskerov, who is, as you have already
guessed, the abovementioned doctor of law, the members of parliament
suggested a compromise. They decided that the scales should be left as
it is but at least one of the eyes of the goddess should be
opened. Hopefully, common sense prevailed as it does at the end of all
the comedies. Or in which parliament would the members of parliament
propose to “behead” this or that politician? Again the answer is the
Azerbaijani. A year ago Member of Parliament Jalal Aliev made this
proposal for the leader of Musavat, Isa Ghambar. One more question. In
which parliament of the world can the physical features become a
category for evaluating a politician? The answer again is the
Azerbaijani. At the meeting of the Milli Mejlis the member of
parliament representing the ruling political party Yeni Azarbaijan
Musa Musayev angrily swore at the chairman of the oppositionist
political party of National Independence Etibar Mamedov because the
latter had dared to criticize Ilham Aliev. “Even when sitting Ilham
Aliev is taller than Etibar Mamedov. How can Etibar Mamedov with his
stature ever criticize Ilham Aliev,” shouted Musa Musayev. There is no
end to the oddities of the humorists of the Azerbaijani
parliament. Either they decide on adopting laws on protection of
national moral values and on extremism only because “the Azerbaijani
oppositionists are immoral, ruin the system of national moral values
and are engaged in extremist activities”, or advise their colleagues
to have the mental doctor examine them and even accuse the members of
parliament of being homosexuals And last year the vice speaker of the
Milli Mejlis Ziyafet Askerov made “an epoch-making discovery” for the
Azerbaijani political establishment. He discovered that the leaders of
the Azerbaijani opposition “feel pathological hatred against one
another”. Ziyafet Askerov came to this conclusion after studying their
photos taken during the meeting of the coordinating board. “In the
photos one can see that their smiles are forced, and they hate one
another,” stated the vice speaker with a profound sense of duty. The
present mejlismen were not dignified (but instead they were faithful
to their humorist spirit) when they expressed their opinion on the
activities of the European organizations, particularly the OSCE,
although the official Baku did not join the statement of the CIS
countries criticizing the OSCE. At one of the meetings of the
parliament the members of parliament representing the political party
Yeni Azarbaijan were quite frank saying that the OSCE intended to
stage a coup in Azerbaijan and bring the local opposition to
power. They could not do without blaming the Armenians either. For
example, a mejlisman decided to open the eyes of the Azerbaijanis and
Armenians. “I knew that the OSCE is the “godfather” of the Armenians,
and now I have come to understand that the OSCE is also the
“godfather” of the Azerbaijani opposition,” announced Mr. Know-All. It
turns out that there are close “ties of kinship” between the Armenians
and Azerbaijanis, whereas the naive Armenians could not even imagine
this would be possible However, as it could be expected, Murtus
Aleskerov is full of hatred for European organizations. He openly
announced that the task of the head of the Baku office of the OSCE is
to make enquiries about the disputes taking place in the Milli Mejlis
and inform the Americans. This exotic accusation against the European
diplomat aroused the ironic laughter of the leader of the reformist
Popular Front Ali Kerimli. In the presence of the Baku mass media the
irritated speaker told Ali Kerimli to behave himself (A.G.) and went
on with this statement, “I personally appeal to you, Ali Kerimli. Keep
in your mind that with such oppositionists like you no power will be
ever shared.” Not without success did the performance of the mejlismen
pass after the cancellation of the NATO exercise Cooperative Best
Effort 2004 to have been held in Azerbaijan last September. The
training was cancelled because the Azerbaijani side refused to receive
the Armenian military men. This scandalous fact in the history of NATO
was presented by Member of Parliament Gudrat Hasanguliev as “the great
achievement of the Azerbaijani diplomacy”. And his colleague Ibrahim
Isayev hurried to congratulate the Azerbaijani people on the “historic
victory”. The “cast” of the Milli Mejlis was, as a rule, supported by
the former advisor on foreign affairs Vafa Guluzadeh. The rate of his
anti-Armenian activities is simply impressive. Apparently the former
advisor to Heidar Aliev wants to atone for his sin of close friendship
with the Armenians (in the Soviet times). According to Vafa Guluzadeh,
the legacies in Baku give the governments of their countries wrong
information about the genuine attitude of the Azerbaijanis towards
Armenians, which is outrageous hatred. Bravo, Vafa! Let there be more
similar statements addressed to the European organizations. Let them
understand at last why the Armenians of Karabakh do not want to be
subject to such statesmen as the tragedian Vafa Guluzadeg and the
“clowns” of the Milli Mejlis. Now quite seriously. Every performance
comes to its end. Soon the present “actors” of Milli Mejlis will leave
the stage of the theatre of absurd. We are hopeful that instead of new
“clowns” and Armenophobs they will be replaced by serious people of
sound judgement who will think for the fate of their
people. Otherwise, as the journalist E. Orudjev predicts, the
Azerbaijani people may come to a complete moral decay. God forbid.

ALEXANDER GRIGORIAN.
14-07-2005