Enter Stage Right, Canada
July 25 2005

By Lady Liberty
web posted July 25, 2005

Bad News Bears

* 1/2 out of ****

I haven’t seen the 1979 original, and wouldn’t have seen the 2005
remake, either, if it weren’t for the fact that Billy Bob Thornton is
the star. I’m not a big fan of kids’ movies, but I do like Billy Bob
Thornton quite a bit. The good news for the Bad News Bears is that it
does have Thornton. Without him, most of the rest would be bad news,
indeed.

Morris Buttermaker (Billy Bob Thornton) is a drunken exterminator
with a big chip on his shoulder. His one threadbare claim to fame is
the fact that he once pitched – briefly – in the Major Leagues.
Despite some expertise in the game, it’s unclear how it is that
Buttermaker becomes a coach unless it’s that straight-laced lawyer
Liz Whitewood (Marcia Gay Harden) couldn’t find anybody else to
handle a team of complete misfits.

Whitewood, whose son Toby (Ridge Canipe) wants to play baseball, has
sued the local league when some poor players including her son aren’t
allowed to play. That means that the kids nobody else will have are
placed on a team everybody is forced to accept, and that that team is
coached by a man who is almost certainly the last choice for the job.
For his part, Buttermaker will put forth some minimal effort to earn
the check he clearly needs, but the team is far beyond even the most
heroic of work ethics.

Toby has the will, but little talent. Tanner Boyle (Timmy Deters) has
drive in spades, but he’s physically small and carrying a big bad
attitude. Mike Engleberg (Brandon Craggs) isn’t otherwise hopeless,
but he is fat and out of shape and he knows it. Timmy Lupus (Tyler
Patrick Jones) actually is hopeless. Prem Lahiri (Aman Johal) just
wants a stint in summer baseball to show up on his future college
résumé. Garo Daragebrigadian (Jeffrey Tedmani) wants desperately to
be like other American kids, but is having a tough time both with his
own skill level and his disapproving Armenian father. And Matthew
Hooper (Troy Gentile) is a wheelchair-bound paraplegic!

Somehow, Buttermaker is expected to coach his team of misfits into
facing teams consisting of better and more experienced players. Chief
among the rivals is the Yankees, a team coached by an egotistical car
salesman by the name of Roy Bullock (Greg Kinnear). The Yankees as a
whole delight in creaming the opposition, and the Bears are
completely humiliated in their first time out. Buttermaker has a few
tricks up his sleeve, however, not the least of which happens to
Amanda Whurlitzer (Sammi Kane Kraft), the daughter of a woman he once
dated and a talented pitcher. When local juvenile delinquent Kelly
Leak (Jeffrey Davies) starts hanging out near the baseball field,
Coach Bullock sees nothing but trouble. Buttermaker, however, sees
something different.

Despite his bad qualities – and there are many – Buttermaker has a
knack with kids who are also suffering in life. Maybe it’s is
predilection to tell them the unvarnished truth. Or it could be that
it’s his never-say-die attitude. Either way, and despite himself,
Buttermaker does manage to teach the kids something before the season
is over. And it’s possible the kids teach him a few things, too.

Billy Bob Thornton is just terrific in Bad News Bears. In fact, if
the language were stronger, he could almost be Bad Santa with a
baseball bat. But this movie, though written by the same team as that
which scripted the very funny Bad Santa, isn’t as entertaining.
Perhaps that’s because they held back to avoid an R rating. Whatever
the reason, the film suffers from an embarrassing lack of real
laughs. That flaw lies not in Thornton’s performance but in the
lackluster lines he has to say. The acting as a whole is, in fact,
largely good or better. But good performances can’t raise the level
of such a mediocre script much beyond mediocrity.

In fairness to the film and to baseball lovers, there are a few real
game highlights, however. Sammi Kane Kraft is making her movie debut
here, and it’s easy to see why she was selected to play Amanda: Sammi
is a champion pitcher in real life. Kelly Davies, too, is a gifted
ball player. To watch them play is, even for a non-fan like me,
impressive as all get-out. If you don’t care about that, though, and
Billy Bob Thornton isn’t enough of a reason for you to see an
otherwise sub par movie, I’d sit this one out.

POLITICAL NOTES: In some ways, Bad News Bears is a paean to political
correctness and the current “self-esteem is everything” attitude so
prevalent in schools across the country. Even kids in wheelchairs
should be able to play whatever sport they want; even kids without
any talent whatsoever should be treated as valued team members. The
fact that things turn out largely okay in this movie likely bolsters
those who believe that everybody should be able to participate in
anything and everything they like. What people need to remember is
that anything is possible in the movies, and that real life often
bears little resemblance to the silver screen. In fact, I feel
strongly enough about this very issue that I recently wrote an entire
column about it. In summary, let’s just say that I don’t believe for
a minute that everybody ought to be able to do everything – no matter
how much they want to – if they can’t, or if everybody else has to
suffer so that they can. If we teach our children anything, it ought
to be that everybody has their limitations.

FAMILY SUITABILITY: Bad News Bears is rated PG-13 for “rude behavior,
language throughout, some sexuality, and thematic elements.” Unless
you want your eight year-old to begin spouting a whole lot of words
you’d prefer he not be saying, I’d suggest you buy him a ticket to
see something else. The film depicts fairly young kids using fairly
rough language, as well as engaging in some rough physical behavior,
and it treats it all as a joke. That’s fine for older kids who know
better, but not so good for the younger set. On the whole, I’d say
the PG-13 rating is just about right.