UN TO ADDRESS DEBASEMENT OF MISS UNIVERSE, EUROVISION
The Chaser (satire), Australia
May 22 2006
New York:
United Nations officials have criticised the victory of TISM, from
Norway, in the Eurovision Song Contest, as a wave of despondency
swept the impoverished Eastern European nations whose best performance
artists failed to make the grade.
“This is a terrible result: our officers will now have to deal with
the consequences of this decision,” said UN secretary for emerging
nation development Ramos-Boutros Hopkins, “dung-eating peasants have
been shown to gain a great boost in their national esteem by victory
in these sorts of empty international competitions. After all, they
stand no chance in the real world so these sorts of awards are the
equivalent of an ’employee of the month’ program at KFC. Giving the
award to a prosperous country like Norway is a total waste.”
“WE have seen this trend also debase the original purpose of Miss
Universe as well,” said Hopkins, a reference to the victories of Miss
Canada and Miss Australia in recent Universe contests, “Miss Universe
is there to stop Latin American countries from going communist: that’s
why we used to circulate it between Miss Venezeula, Miss Trinidad and
Tobago and Miss Peuto Rico. Who knows what instability will result
with these Westerners winning?”
In an emergency session, the UN is reportedly working behind the
scenes to ensure the next Miss World pageant is won by a former Soviet
Bloc nation.
“We gave it to Russia in 2002, but with the Eurovision trophy moving
West we are going to have to take some serious diplomatic measures.
Eurovision should have gone to Turkey or Armenia: we can’t give them
Miss Universe without making it obvious that the pageant’s judging
is less than objective.”
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