Sunday, August 19, 2007
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OREOS
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Some of my readers think if a writer does not parrot their views, his license to use a pen should be revoked. The only reason it isn’t, there is no agency authorized to do so. To which I say, thank god for that! Let them miss the good old days under Stalin when to express a dissenting view meant a bullet in the neck. And to think that these readers classify themselves as good Armenians. They may think like fascist butchers but they assess themselves as dedicated patriots. The other day I was accused of calling one of my readers a racist. Did I? I am not sure. One should never call a fool a racist. I know what I am saying because I had an Armenian education and I was brought up as a fool and a racist. I even wrote a racist book – my opus one – and when a Canadian critic called me a racist in his review I was so taken aback that I dismissed the charge as perverse. Can a victim of racism be a racist? As the offspring of perennial victims, is it not my human right to despise and even hate victimizers? But if I hate my victimizers, in what way am I different from them? If I think of Turks the way Turks thought of us, am I not like some of my readers who would gladly see me silenced permanently if possible? If the only reason I don’t exterminate Turks today is that I don’t have the power to do so, am I not an oreo – Armenian on the outside, Turk on the inside?
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Monday, August 20, 2007
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MEMO: FOR THE SUGGESTION BOX
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We do the right thing when we mourn our victims. But we do the wrong thing when we mourn only our victims. We should mourn for all victims, including Turkish victims.
Mourn for the enemy? No other civilized nation does that, why should we?
That’s no excuse. Let’s be as daring and progressive as we were in the 4th century. We did not wait then for the rest of the world to civilize itself. We showed them the way. It was the rest of the world that followed our example by converting to Christianity, a religion that speaks of God as our Father. Which means we, all of mankind, including infidels, are brothers and sisters. There are no infidels in the eyes of the Lord, only prodigal sons who sooner or later are destined to return to the fold.
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Tuesday, August 21, 2007
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ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR WATSON
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Moderates have a far better chance to develop a consensus than their counterparts. If consensus has so far eluded us it’s because we have been at the mercy of tribal bottom-feeders and incurable dunderheads who, even as they speechify on survival, plot our downfall. This much said, I don’t expect our bottom-feeding dunderheads to acknowledge this fundamental and self-evident fact.
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Cui bono? – Who benefits? The old question asked by Roman lawyers is as good today as it was two thousand years ago. If the speaker is the beneficiary of what he says, the chances are excellent that he is either a liar or a dupe.
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War is hell? So is peace. You want proof? Visit an Armenian discussion forum on the Internet.
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Wednesday, August 22, 2007
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QUESTIONS I ASK MYSELF
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Whenever an Armenian feels like slaying dragons, he visits an Armenian discussion forum on the Internet and verbally assaults anyone who disagrees with him, and makes it sound as if an Armenian disagreeing with a fellow Armenian were an outrageous scandal and an unheard of thing rather than business as usual.
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Why do dogs fight?
For the same reason that Armenians do.
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Why do Armenians fight?
That’s a question for our Armenologists.
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How come dog fighting is against the law but war is not?
That’s a question for our pundits.
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It has been said that an Armenian will extend a helping hand when you are down, and when you are up he will send you right back into the gutter with a kick. True or false?
True. I have met both kinds. There are no statistics but I would guess the kickers outnumber their counterparts.
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Why is it that some Armenians get more worked up about a scribbler’s opinions than about what’s being done to them by frauds parading as men of god and statesmen of vision?
Because they have either assessed themselves as men of god or statesmen of vision. Either that or they are the offspring of bishops or former commissars.
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