Unconfirmed Sources (satire)
hp?itemid=2816
Jan 13 2008
CONGRESS HAS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT TO DO THAN TO ANTAGONIZE TURKEY?
by Gunther Schnitzel
WASHINGTON — Global warming? Health care? The Iraq war? Iran?
Illegal immigration? Crumbling bridges and roads? Genocide in Africa?
Israel and Palestine problem? Treasury going broke? Nah, not
important, says our House of Representatives. Let’s antagonize one of
our few remaining allies since we have nothing else of any importance
to do.
So the House of Representatives Foreign Affairs committee approved a
resolution Wednesday calling the 1915 massacres of Armenians by
Ottoman Turks, genocide.and it now goes to the House floor, where
Democratic leaders say there will be a vote by mid-November.
– Turkey warned on Thursday that relations with its NATO ally the
United States would be harmed by a U.S. House committee’s approval of
the genocide resolution.
Here is some background about the issue:
In the late 19th century the Ottoman Empire’s Armenian minority,
numbering an estimated 2 million, was encouraged by exiled groups in
the United States, Geneva and in the Georgian capital, Tbilisi, to
assert its nationalism. Repression by Ottoman irregulars, mainly
Kurds, led to the massacre of hundreds of thousands of Armenians in
eastern Anatolia in 1894-1896. Several thousand more were killed in
Constantinople in August 1896 after Armenian extremists seized the
Ottoman Bank to draw attention to their cause.
President Bush enthusiastically approved the resolution, " We gotta
show them foreigners who’s in charge around here," he smirked," Gotta
keep them stirred up and in line!"
Vice President Dick Cheney also congratulated the Foreign Affairs
Committee for their condemnation of Turkey.
" We’re getting a backlog of war stuff by Lockheed, Brown & Root,
Halliburton and other of our suppliers to the Defense Department."
Cheney said, "Congress doesn’t want us to use these planes, bombs,
tanks, ships and guns on Iran, so we got to use them somewhere.
Turkey looks good. If we can’t piss them off, how about China, or
Mexico? If I can continue to scoop up ‘no-bid’ contracts with the
Defense Department, my Halliburton’s stock price will continue to
increase over the next few years, and as I will no longer be Vice
President, I can exercise my stock options and be able to cash out
for a substantial profit!"
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