MY SUGGESTIONS FOR A MORE PERFECT DEMOCRACY

Turkish Daily News
July 16, 2008 Wednesday

Numerous terms have been used to describe the sides of Turkey’s
Civil Cold War: Islamists vs. secularists; Turkey vs. Turkey;
Muslim democrats vs. secular fascists; display (observant) Muslims
vs. secular Muslims; liberal Muslims vs. illiberal seculars, and many
more. Anyone has the liberty to choose his/her favorite branding.But
reading the pieces of the fascinating propaganda war in favor of the
Muslim democrats’ one cannot help inventing a more realistic branding:
Good guys vs. bad guys! Reading the daily propaganda material one
recognizes how amazing it is to see that the AKP and its supporters
do not come close to perfection, but they are in fact perfect, if not
better than perfect! At the opposite end, the AKP’s opponents are so
evil that they can be held responsible for anything one could imagine:
9/11, the 1999 earthquake, Iran’s nuclear ambitions, Kim Jong Il’s
rule, famine in Africa, the 2003 tsunami, the massacre of Armenians
in 1915-1920, HIV, SARS, the tick disease and WW II.

Kemalist nuclear weapons?:

Most recently, a staunchly pro-AKP newspaper, Taraf, claimed that
the Ergenekon gang could have masterminded the activities of all
big names in Turkey’s list of terrorist organizations, including the
Kurdish-Islamist Hizbollah and the PKK. More importantly, according
to that newspaper, Taraf, the Kemalist members of Ergenekon could have
had ambitions to develop nuclear, biological and chemical weapons. We
better cut the nonsense and produce ideas to further perfect
our almost-perfect democracy. Here are my suggestions:1. Mustafa
Kemal Ataturk’s pictures and other memorabilia should be removed
from schools and public offices.2. Journalists critical of the
government should be arrested on charges of terrorism3. A dozen
million or so anti-government protestors who staged pro-secularism
rallies last year should be identified and arrested as part of
the Ergenekon investigation.4. Secularism should be abolished
and declared illegal. 5. The Ulema should decide whether laws are
constitutional. 6. Since the Sunnis are in majority the Alevis should
be told where and how to practice religion. Preferably, the Alevis
should be democratically’ convinced to disband their faith and join
the Sunnis.7. More observant businesses should be granted a 30 percent
tax break. Less observant businesses should not be allowed to bid in
public tenders.8.

The Islamic turban should not be allowed on campus, but it must
be made the compulsory headwear for female students. 9. Having a
wife with the turban and avoidance of pork and alcohol and regular
attendance to Friday prayers should be added to the public employees
act as prerequisites for promotion.10. Bulent Arinc, former Parliament
speaker and the AKP’s number three, made a very good point last
year when he suggested that the secularists were trying to block
the presidency of a religious man. So, I owe the inspiration for
this idea to Mr. Arinc: The Constitution should explicitly say
that the president, the Parliament speaker, the prime minister,
cabinet ministers and senior judges should be religious men. In case
of doubt as to how religious a candidate is, the Ulema should use a
holy Muslim-meter to gauge. 11. Political parties should be banned if
they feature undemocratic doctrines like secularism and Kemalism. Any
party that does not declare full commitment to the Koran should not
be allowed to enter parliamentary elections.12. The Ulema should form
an upper house, the Senate, and give their blessings when laws are
enacted in the lower house.13. Politicians found guilty of corruption
should not stand trial if they had committed this offense in the name
of political Islam.14. Since the AKP won 47 percent of the national
vote in 2007 in what everyone agrees was the most spectacular political
victory for any political party in half a century, the next elections
can be held in 15 years time. And since the CHP has proved to be an
undemocratic party half of its seats should be scrapped and given
to more democratic parties in Parliament, namely the AKP and the
DTP. Better still, the CHP should be banned and its leaders should be
sent to gaol. 15. Needless to say, alcohol and pork should be banned
altogether. Liars, crooks, conmen, rapists, embezzlers, woman-beaters
can be tolerated if they are good Muslims. 16. Islamist columnists,
especially older than 80 years of age, should not be prosecuted if
they sexually abused children. 17. The legal detention period for
anti-government activists should be 12 years with or without an
indictment. 18. The Ulema (the Senate) should also elect military
leaders on the basis of their observance. In the unlikely event that
generals are not pious enough the Ulema can appoint a lieutenant
colonel as chief of General Staff. 19.

The military headquarters and units should be stripped of access to
tanks, ammunition, artillery and other weaponry. Access codes should
be in the possession of the prime minister only.20. For a better
functioning of democracy parliamentary immunities should be maintained
except for opposition members of Parliament. 21. All Turkish families
should be required to have at least three children. Those families
with fewer children should be subject to 25 percent extra tax. Legal
marriage age for girls should be reduced to eight.22. The Constitution
should be amended so as to describe the country as the Muslim
Democratic State of Turkey instead of the Republic of Turkey. That
will give Turkey a more democratic flavor. 23. Opposition newspapers
should be banned. Alternatively, any opposition to the government can
be banned.24. The color of the Turkish flag should be changed from
red to green. That unnecessary Star’ can be scrapped. The Crescent’
is good enough.

25. Less pious citizens should not be allowed to vote. 26. Court
rulings should not become effective before a seal of approval from
the government.