MEDALS PER CAPITA GEO QUIZ: SLOVENIA OR SLOVAKIA?

Los Angeles Times
2:03 PM, August 15, 2008
CA

Most Americans just don’t think all that much about Slovenia and/or
Slovakia, mostly because thinking about Slovenia and/or Slovakia
would require knowing that Slovenia and/or Slovakia exist.

Of course, this reflects far more upon our national geography dimness
than upon Slovenia and Slovakia, especially when you realize that
while the populous United States dwells as a straggler deep down the
Medals Per Capita standings, Slovenia and Slovakia are unadulterated,
out-and-out Medals Per Capita mastodons.

Slovenia — mighty, mountainous and pleasingly light of population —
has bolted from No. 7 to No. 2 in the standings after Friday’s mass
perspiration in Beijing, while Slovakia — mighty, mountainous and
pleasingly light of population — has soared from No. 11 to No. 4.

That may surprise some, but the Medals Per Capita think tank long has
stood attuned to the MPC wonders of both Slovenia and Slovakia, having
watched them frequent the top 10 at Athens 2004 until they rested at
No. 5 (Slovenia, four medals) and No. 17 (Slovakia, six medals).

That forced Medals Per Capita to drill it into Medals Per Capita’s
head that Slovenia used to belong to Yugoslavia and Slovakia used to
belong to Czechoslovakia, the latter easier to guess upfront. They’re
both in Europe which, for any Americans reading here, is a continent
on the other side of the Atlantic from the United States.

The Atlantic is an ocean.

More after the jump….

Slovenia, sitting down south alongside Italy on the Adriatic (which
is a sea), got a judo gold medal from Lucija Polavder to double its
medal count to two, awesome from a population of but 2,007,711. As
for Slovakia, up in Central Europe just below Poland, well, let’s just
say you don’t want to go kayak- or canoe-racing with any Slovakians,
lest you crave having your fanny whipped.

Three of Slovakia’s four medals come from that sport, from a country of
just 5,244,749 oarspeople, a population cleverly low and yet enhanced
further when Slovakia doubled down MPC — strategically breaking
from the Czech Republic on Jan. 1, 1993 in the "Velvet Divorce,"
after which the two remain close friends, as the world should be.

And then, while MPC keeps keen affection and healthy fear of Slovenia
and Slovakia, it’s getting downright agog over Armenia, a veritable
Secretariat refusing to luxuriate in its lead.

For four days running, Armenia has led the supreme, vital,
indispensable MPC standings, yet it has gone about improving its
MPC rating: from one medal per every 1,484,293 Armenians on Tuesday,
to 989,529 on Wednesday, to 742,147 on Thursday, and to a scalding
593,717 on Friday.

Ignoring stifling MPC pressure, Armenia has plucked a bronze per
day lately, the latest from Tigran Varban Martirosyan in the men’s
77-85kg weightlifting, giving Armenia five golden bronzes, three in
weightlifting and two in wrestling. How a man could lift both his
country’s lead in the MPC standings and that barbell with all that
stuff on the ends simply defies belief.

It has both a population of 2,968,586 and the whole world in a
headlock.

It’s just plain Herculean.

In MPC minutiae, meanwhile:

— Yes, an MPC rating can retreat, of course, in the event of a
positive doping test. It’s luridly exciting. When Kim Jong Su lost
both his silver and bronze medals in shooting after testing positive
for a beta blocker, it sent North Korea careening from 16th place
to 26th, its medals dropping from seven to five and its MPC bloating
from 3,354,156 to 4,695,818. Medals Per Capita gets all giddy when a
positive test rocks the standing, not least because it means somebody
like American shooter Jason Turner slept a few nights in fourth place,
then woke up one day in third, absolutely the most fashionable way
to medal in this drug-addled 21st century.

— Two more medals to make eight, and here comes Cuba.

–Traditional MPC darling Norway has proved a Winter Olympics MPC titan
by dominating cross-country skiing, which showed Norwegian studliness
because everybody knows that in most countries, if you want to go
cross-country, you wimpily drive a car or take an airplane. Yet as
Norway streamed from No. 25 to No. 11 in the Summer Games, well, who
knew Norwegians could swim? Is this some testament to global warming?

The top 10 (with medals, and number of citizens per medal):

1. Armenia (5) – 593,717 2. Slovenia (2) – 1,003,856 3. Australia
(20) – 1,030,043 4. Slovakia (4) – 1,311,187 5. Cuba (8) – 1,427,994

6. Mongolia (2) – 1,498,041

41. Poland (2) – 19,250,348 49. Ethiopia (1) – 78,254,090

Selected others: 11. Norway (2) – 2,377,902 20. Kazakhstan (5) –
3,068,107 29. Togo (1) – 5,858,673

7. Georgia (3) – 1,543,614 8. Switzerland (4) – 1,895,380 9. Hungary
(5) – 1,986,183 10. Azerbaijan (4) – 2,044,429

New entries

31. Ukraine (7) – 6,563,470 32. United States (46) – 6,604,883
37. Japan (13) – 9,791,417 44. China (41) – 32,440,112

–Chuck Culpepper

Culpepper is a contributor to The Times.

Photo: Slovakian kayaker Elena Kaliska speeds along Beijing’s slalom
course on her way to an Olympic gold medal.