SAYING LAST NAMES WRONG IS SO AMERICAN
by Joaquin
The Daily Chisme
June 16, 2009 Tuesday 2:34 PM EST
When I think of a good, basic American last name, Krikorian comes
to mind.
I didnt know how to pronounce Krikorian. My first stab at it went
something like "Creek-or-e-an. Man, was I off. Its actually pronounced
"kri-KOR-ee-uhn. But dont get any ideas that I have to pronounce
it right.
I dont. This is America, so I can say other peoples names wrong and I
dont have to feel bad about it. Furthermore, no one can make me say
Krikorian with the right pronunciation. To compel me to do so would
diminish my assimilation into American life, which in this case would
mean giving in to all the Armenians who expect us to say their names
the correct way.
Im hip to that since Ive become so accustomed to America at large
saying Latino last names incorrectly. As a kid, I was a huge major
league baseball fan, and found it odd that national sports broadcasters
couldnt say simple names like Perez or Cantu right. Then I went to
college far from the South Texas motherland, and professors and fellow
students in a foreign place like Denton, Tx., would look at my last
name, Cavazos, and not want to even venture a guess on how to say it.
I took no great offense, nor did I insist people in Denton, Tx.,
say my last name correctly, which means Im Mark Krikorians kind
of guy. Krikorian runs one of those immigration restrictionist
organizations based in D.C., the ones that blame immigrants for
everything from voter fraud to global warming to parents naming their
kids Willow and Piper.
Krikorian ventured out from his anti-immigrant encampment recently
to say no one could make him pronounce Sonia Sotomayors last name
correctly. To say the last name of President Obamas Supreme Court
nominee correctly – with its Spanish emphasis on the last syllable –
is an Å"unnatural pronounciation in English, Krikorian said.
Thusly, for anyone to insist upon the Å"unnatural pronouncation of
such a strange and apparently non-American last name Å"is something
we shouldnt be giving in to, said Krikorian, whose own last name
originates deep from the heart of what was once the Soviet Union.
Å"There ought to be limits, Krikorian said in deferring to peoples own
pronounciation of their names. So, if Brittney with two ts wants to
say her name differently from Britney with just one plain `t, why shes
out of luck. Well just say Brittney or Britney any dang way we please.
The pronounciation of names is part of the American assimilation
process, Krikorian informed us, so people who insist we say their
last names right, with all of the emphasis on the right syllables,
etc., are basically refusing to be assimilated.
So, Judge Soto-may-er, sorry, youre headed for the highest court in
the land, but no way, no how are we saying your last name correctly,
or else we would be giving in to the multicultural police. Better to
go with the flow of assimilation, just like Mark Creek-or-e-an advises.
Next thing you know were pronouncing Armenian names correctly, and
we dont want to do that. Itll just encourage more immigration.