WEARY OF ‘I-TOLD-YOU-SO’S’
BURAK BEKDIL

Hurriyet Daily News
y-of-8216i-told-you-so8217s8217-2009-09-15
Sept 15 2009
Turkey

I am not equipped with metaphysical powers good for prophecy. But,
exactly a year ago, this column was titled "Hurriyet must be banned
for better democracy" (Daily News, Sept. 10, 2008). For the curious
reader, here are a couple of excerpts from that article:

"In Mr. [Recep Tayyip] Erdogan’s ideal democracy, Hurriyet should be
banned. So should the opposition parties, opposition NGOs and all
other groupings that oppose Mr. Erdogan’s Muslim democracy. Anyone
who threatens the ‘pyramid scheme’ these ‘good Muslims’ have built
should be sent to jail – all for better democracy.

"Unfortunately, Mr. Erdogan has zero tolerance for any criticism
or opposition to his political empire. He gets easily annoyed not
because his comrades are crooks but because someone verifies and the
other publishes that they are crooks."

Earlier than that, I had done my service to our boss, Aydin Dogan,
not really because I had an eye on David Judson’s seat, but because
I was trying to look pretty to Mr. Judson for a small pay rise.

"Not even the trains run on time!" (Daily News, Feb. 15, 2008), humbly
advised Hurriyet’s publishers: "Be wise, just do as I do and escape
the corporate consequences." And in "I warned you, boss!" (Daily
News, Feb. 24, 2009), I regretted that our publishing group did not
listen to my advice and found a $500 million tax office ticket on
its window. Yet I kept on playing the wake-up call of our newspaper:

"Perhaps our editors do not understand. These days the smallest traffic
fine we could be getting cannot be less than $100,000. If Ertugrul
Ozkok is spotted spitting on the pavement, he could be prosecuted
for six to eight years in prison. Even Bekir Coskun’s pet dog could
face a few years in a pet jail for ‘running like a dog on the grass
in a public area.’ But that’s all for better democracy in Turkey. And
Mr. Erdogan and his men are none other than liberal democrats. And,
yes, the elephant they painted with pink stripes is a zebra."

Fortunately, Mr. Ozkok is still a free man. Mr. Coskun’s pet dog is
still running about their lawn, but his powerful column has disappeared
from Hurriyet’s Page 3 – not even a farewell note to or from. And
we found a far more generous ticket, this time at the tune of $2.5
billion on our front door, reading "with compliments from the tax
office." In March, in admittance of an unusual practice, Mr. Erdogan
said the dossier on the first fine had come to his desk. For what,
we could never ask. Do all tax fines go through the prime minister’s
desk? No, but some apparently do. Bizarre? It happens.

This unpleasant story is fast becoming a Turkish version of Vladimir
Putin vs. Mikhail Khodorovsky. Mr. Dogan could have escaped the very
expensive bill for daring to stand against Mr. Erdogan’s Islamic
crusade had he been an ethnic Kurd, but it may be too late to portray
our boss with an ethnicity that is not his. But we as journalists on
his payroll could always invent a new, Armenian ethnicity for him
since the eastern town he comes from was a predominantly Armenian
place with an Armenian name (Payberd) as its original.

Failing that, Mr. Dogan should think of new tactics if he doesn’t wish
to end up in a prison in a remote corner of southeastern Anatolia for
crimes his powerful enemies could easily fabricate for him and our
"independent" judiciary will only be too happy to endorse – crimes
like causing the recent floods in Istanbul or our national football
squad’s poor performance. We can start by a holy reshuffle at our
media group, changing our editors with pious Muslims who don’t touch
a drop of alcohol, and should they be ladies, who never let a piece
of their hair be seen by men. It has been proved that pilgrimage to
Mecca doesn’t work. So, no new Mecca journeys.

We at the Daily News often go unnoticed because our lingua franca is
non-native. But should our time come after the spring cleanup in the
Turkish-language publications, I confess I cannot end my very long
love affair with ouzo – not even to save Mr. Dogan from prison. I am
sure it would be equally painful for Mr. Judson to be circumcised
at this age. Yusuf Kanli and Serkan Demirtas are always welcome to
join us at the Belated Repentant’s Club I am planning to set up. My
suggestion for our new editor-in-chief will be an unrivalled Mustafa
Akyol, whose articles we all miss very dearly.

For several decades, the Western civilization – and secular Muslims–
feared the men in jihadist attire and swords in their hands. Now it’s
time to fear the jihadists in suit and a tie and pens in their hands.

From: Emil Lazarian | Ararat NewsPress