The five stages of dying and death

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29/11/09

IT’S THAT time of year when we start working our way into a state of
mass hysteria over Turkey’s EU progress report which would not include
any sanctions for her failure to implement the Ankara Protocol, also
known as the refusal to fulfil her obligations to the EU and Cyprus.

I do not want to sound morbid but our reaction to the progress report
saga, has very strong similarities to Dr Kubler-Ross’ five stages of
dying and death – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
OK, in 2006 we jumped from bargaining to acceptance, without going
through depression, but that was because we had a very able foreign
minister.

We have already gone through the first stage, with the most of our
politicians and newspaper scribes insisting that Turkey would not
emerge from next month’s European Council unscathed. We remained in
denial, even after many of the EU’s top dogs announced that there was
no provision for punitive measures in the 2006 decision. `Turkey would
not pass unscathed,’ was the denial slogan, as it had been three years
ago.

This week we entered the anger stage, when the content of the first
draft of the progress report, prepared by the Swedish presidency, was
made public and included nothing about sanctions. Sweden got the
Brit-treatment from furious politicians, who called on the government
to take a tough line and block all new negotiation chapters.

A seething Perdikis, instructed the government to drop its illusions
and together with Greece prepare for the worst-case scenario. It would
be more accurate to say that righteous rage characterised the anger
stage.

WE DEVIATE slightly from Dr Kubler-Ross’ theory, because we are
dealing with a society and not an individual. Different members of our
society enter each stage differently.

Comrade president entered the anger stage before everyone else as his
letter to all heads of EU member-state, was sent before the release of
the Swedish presidency’s draft, which according to Phil `caressed the
Turks’. The letter was pretty abrupt and contained no diplomatic
niceties, presumably to emphasise Tof’s rage.

The Disy Fuhrer, in contrast, proved once again that he is ahead of
his time, by already entering the bargaining stage. Our smartest
politician, suggested a compromise whereby Turkey would be given a
grace period of six months to help in the peace talks and to implement
the protocol. If the Turks failed to do so by June, we would impose
sanctions, or at least go through the five stages of dying again.

DEPRESSION takes over, when the bargaining, at all the different
decision-making tiers of the EU, fails to yield any result, and it
becomes apparent that our European partners – not just the Brits and
Swedes – are not even prepared to give the Turks a gentle smack on the
bum, to help our government save face.

And finally, acceptance sets in during the December European Council,
when our depressed president finally comes to terms with the fact that
our partners are united in not wanting to take any punitive measures
against the pampered Turks.

But there, the similarities with Dr Kubler-Ross’ theory end, because
after acceptance, there is a happy ending – nobody dies, the president
returns home to a villain’s welcome and rest of us look forward to the
next time our EU partners will stop us punishing the arrogant Turk.

ALL THIS, could still be proved wrong, because the National Council,
which meets later this week, could come up with an ingenious plan to
force the European Council to impose sanctions on Turkey and make
Patroclos look like a fool.

This is a very remote possibility when you hear what actually happens
at National Council meetings. After last week’s meeting, one of the
participants confided to a hack that if he had a knife he would have
been tempted to commit hara-kiri in front of everyone as an act of
protest against the infuriating nonsense that is said during the
discussions

`And the worse thing of all,’ he said, `is that all the leaders come
out and make serious-sounding statements in front of the cameras,
giving the impression that we have been having debate about really
important matters. Nothing could be further from the truth.’

CONVENIENTLY, the meeting finished just when the evening TV news shows
were beginning so all the leaders felt obliged to talk to the waiting
camera crews, despite agreeing, at the meeting, not to make any
statements to the media.

But none of them was able to resist the temptation when they realised
their interview would be broadcast live on the evening news shows. I
blame EUROKO leader Demetris Syllouris who was out of the palazzo
first and went straight to the waiting cameras.

His associate, deputy Rikkos Erotocritou, showed what a sucker he is
for TV exposure by standing next to Syllouris, looking into the void
and saying nothing, like a long-suffering wife who can been seen but
not heard. His bemused look said more about the meeting than all the
fine words uttered by his leader. More significantly, his ears did not
flap once during the interview.

MY FAVOURITE National Council couple is Edek’s, featuring leader
Yiannakis Omirou and the socialist party’s honorary president for life
and beyond, Dr Faustus. `Does this guy bring his father to the
meeting?’ asked a foreign customer, unfamiliar with the political
scene, while watching the pictures on our establishment’s TV.

`Yes, because the old boy’s nurse takes the day off on Tuesdays, and
he has nowhere to leave him,’ a skettos drinker lied. The truth is
that the wise old doctor does not entirely trust Yiannakis’ judgment
yet and likes to keep an eye on the young man when he is expounding
his spiritual father’s complex views on the critically important
aspects of the Cyprob.

HE MAY think of himself as an Alpha male, but the Paphite health
minister with the big ego, Dr Patsalides is big softy really,
terrified of having an injection. Twice he had been asked by hacks
whether he would be having the swine flu vaccination and both times he
he responded negatively, offering some lame excuse.

After Greece’s health minister had the vaccination in public, to
re-assure a sceptical public which was afraid of the side-effects, a
hack asked the Paphite if he would be doing the same and he said no.
His reason demonstrated his sense of self-importance in all its glory.
`I do not think a minister should be vaccinated in public,’ he
pompously declared. The guy is a member of the Tofias government,
appointed on the recommendation of Marios Garoyian, and he is afraid
that a vaccination in public would diminish his personal standing?

THE QUESTION was put to him again this week, after very few people,
from the first high-risk group eligible for the free swine flu
vaccination, turned up at the flu clinics to have their injection;
everyone seems to be afraid of possible, adverse side-effects.

This time, he his excuse for not being vaccinated was much nobler and
contained an element of self-sacrifice. He said: `It would have been
easy for me to go and get vaccinated for communications purposes and
then tell people, see I am not afraid. That, however, would give the
wrong message as it would violate the priority principle that calls
high-risk groups to get the vaccine first.’

I think the guy is scared, either of having an injection or, like most
people, of the possible side effects of the vaccination. As for not
wanting `to violate the priority principle’, it is a candidate for
joke of the year. This is the minister who routinely violates state
rules – not just priority principles – sending patients abroad for
heart operations to prevent them from going to the American Heart
Institute.

He is content to break state rules, (smoking in state buildings, for
instance) but priority principles never, because these could cause
negative side-effects for the minister.

ANOTHER man who would never violate priority principles and makes a
habit of giving sermons about correct behaviour is deputy
Attorney-general Akis Papasavvas. He was in the news recently after he
reached an out of court settlement with his boss, Attorney-general
Petros Clerides, which made him 55,000 wealthier.

The case related to his forced retirement, when he was working at the
AG’s office as senior counsel in 2001. He challenged the decision in
the Supreme Court which decided his services were wrongly terminated.
Fourteen months later he was re-instated and a received all the
salaries he was not paid during his forced retirement.

However, when he was forced out he collected a total of 110,000 in
retirement bonus, pension payments for 14 months and unemployment
benefit. Public servants are entitled to six months unemployment
benefit when they go into retirement, even though they are collecting
a hefty state pension.

When he was re-instated he was asked to pay back the 110,000, as he
was paid all his salaries for the 14 months, but refused to do so,
insisting that the money was his and he had no obligation to return
it. By what law it was his, the holier than thou Papasavvas did not
say. Perhaps he was entitled to it because he was opposed to the Annan
plan.

TO ADD insult to injury, Papasavvas also sued the Republic, demanding
125,000 compensation for his wrongful dismissal, while unlawfully
holding on to 110,000 of the taxpayer’s money, which he probably
spent.

Faced with the compensation claim, Clerides filed a counter claim on
behalf of the state, demanding back the 110,000. But why had
Papasavvas not been taken to court sooner for holding on to state
money he was not entitled to?

Politis reported last weekend that a settlement was reached by which
Papasavvas would be paid by the taxpayer 55,000 in compensation and
the case would be closed. But Clerides obviously did a favour to
Papasavvas, who was rusfetologically appointed deputy AG, when his
great buddy Comrade Tof was elected.

Even assuming that the Judge awarded the full compensation Papasavvas
was claiming, he would only have been owed 15,000 once he had
returned the money he had taken from the state. Why had Clerides
agreed to pay him 55,000 in settlement? Was it because Papasavvas
enjoys presidential protection or had he pledged to donated the money
to charity?

THE STRATEGY for Tackling Cancer in Cyprus was presented to the public
by health minister Dr Patsalides last Tuesday. The strategy was
formulated by stakeholders, which said it all. For `stakeholders’,
read `clueless members of the public’ who are invited to sit on
committees, because even cancer strategy has to be decided
democratically in the People’s Republic.

The strategy contained in a 56-page book published by the health
ministry is truly embarrassing. It is a compendium of superficial
thinking peppered with popular wisdom which will come to nothing. This
strategy has as much chance of tackling cancer as glass of orange
juice every day. `What do you expect, when Chr. Andreou was on the
committee that drafted the strategy,’ remarked an oncologist customer
of the coffeeshop.

Chr. Andreou has been waging an ongoing campaign to have the B of C
Oncology Centre closed down, which made him an expert in formulating
cancer strategy.

WHY IS it that our illustrious Agriculture Minister, Michalis
Polynikis has only attended one meeting of the EU Council of
Agriculture Ministers? There has been a host of meetings of the
Council, to which he insists on sending a ministry technocrat rather
than attending himself.

It is not as if he is very busy. He has stopped talking on the radio,
he has solved our water shortage problem and he does not engage in
rusfeti, which can be very time-consuming, as the recent police
investigation showed. So why does he refuse to attend Council
meetings? How would he cope when we have the EU presidency and he will
have to chair meetings of the Agri ministers? We can’t have a ministry
official chairing a meeting of ministers.

HEART-FELT congratulations go to House President Marios Garoyian, who
was named `Politician of the Year’ by the Armenian community at a
ceremony on Friday night. We have been unable to obtain any
information regarding the reasons he received this prestigious award,
but one member of the Armenian community assured us that it had
nothing to do with Diko going through the `worst crisis in its
history’.

And when is this crisis going to be over, because we are still losing
sleep over it.