National Post (Canada)
January 16, 2010 Saturday
National Edition

L’affaire Ayalon

by George Jonas, National Post

Turks used to rule half the world. These days, they ‘re lucky to get
work permit in lands they once occupied. But they can still get their
nationalistic fix from a popular TV show called The Valley Of The
Wolves. In this series, a Turkish James Bond, by the irresistible name
of Polat Alemdar, sends wicked Americans, mafiosi and Mossad agents to
their reward (no virgins). The show is chauvinistic, anti-Semitic,
vile and juvenile — and a hit in Turkey.

Well, there’s no accounting for tastes — or rather there is, and it
doesn’t speak well for some. But hell, it’s only the boob tube.

You’d think Israel’s government has better things to do than assign
civil servants to moonlight as TV critics, and I’m sure some
government-types have, but not Deputy Foreign Minister Danny Ayalon.
For reasons known only to him, his shrink and perhaps his boss,
Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman, Ayalon has been earning his keep
by policing idiot boxes of foreign countries — Turkey’s, anyway —
and he chose this week to tell Turkey’s ambassador what he thinks of
his country’s version of 007.

The problem wasn’t that Ayalon thought The Valley Of The Wolves stank,
which it does, or even that he summoned the ambassador to tell him —
although it would be hard to think of a more futile exercise than
telling an ambassador that one of his country’s popular TV series
stinks. (What’s the poor sap going to say — "Thanks for the heads-up,
but I never watch TV"?) It’s a waste, but there’s nothing new about
government waste. The problem is too many Deputy Ministers with too
much time on their hands, if you ask me.

It wasn’t Ayalon calling in the Turkish ambassador to protest a TV
program that hit the fan this week, but how Israel’s Deputy Foreign
Minister went about it. A six-year-old … Well, let’s be fair — a
six-year-old might have found the insults Ayalon offered the Turkish
envoy rather clever. A child of 10 would have found them immature.

After summoning Ambassador Ahmet Oguz Cellikol for a tongue-lashing,
Ayalon put him in a low chair. He deliberately failed to display the
flag of Turkey next to Israel’s flag on his desk. And — listen to
this — he didn’t smile at the Turk, as required by diplomatic
protocol.

People in the know tell me that you’ve got to tongue-lash ambassadors
with a smile. If you don’t, you risk a diplomatic incident. Ayalon not
only failed to smile at Cellikol but, in case the Turk missed it, he
told the media. Look, Ma, no smile! No Turkish flag on my desk,
either! The chair — well, the ambassador could hardly have missed
sitting on a chair so low he needed a periscope to look up at Ayalon
— but just in case, the Deputy mentioned it to the press, too. No
point in humiliating ambassadors who don’t notice.

Excuse me, but is there a point of humiliating ambassadors who do notice?

Thank you, sir; excellent question. Anyway, Ayalon needn’t have
worried. Cellikol noticed. So did the Turkish Prime Minister, along
with the entire Republic of Turkey. Were they furious? Furious doesn’t
begin to describe it. They had kittens. Turkey’s ruling
Islamist-tinged party couldn’t believe their good fortune. Israel was
handing them a stick. Whack! They announced they would recall their
ambassador unless Israel apologized.

So Israel quickly apologized. Not once, but twice. Once wasn’t enough.
Ayalon’s chair was too low for a single apology. In the end, Israeli
President Simon Peres, old charmer that he is, had to say something to
the effect that come on, fellows, it was one man’s mistake, not an
entire nation’s, before Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan
would agree to let bygones be bygones.

All right; what was this all about? What you should know about Israel
is that it doesn’t have to look for trouble. Israel has been in
trouble ever since it came into being. In fact, it came into being
because people thought "being" might be less trouble than "not being"
(which it may or may not have been).

What you should know about Turkey … Well, these days, you don’t have
to know a hell of a lot, unless you’re a Kurd, Armenian or Greek
Cypriot. That’s one advantage of living in the 21st century. But there
was a time when whatever you didn’t know about Turkey could hurt you.
Two hundred-plus years ago, you didn’t have to go to Istanbul;
Istanbul would come to you. The Ottoman Empire’s armies made it as far
west as the gates of Vienna. In those days, most people knew enough
about Turkey not to screw with it.

Smart people still know enough not to offer low chairs to Turkish
ambassadors. Israel is full of smart people; it’s a pity the
diplomatic service attracts them only sporadically.

Smart people also know that keeping Turkish fans of anti-Semitic
thrillers glued to their TV sets should be encouraged rather than
protested. Glued, they’re harmless. The time to worry about them is
when they become unglued.