Skeptik Sinikian: 40 Days of `Vosp’ – My Journey Through Lent Begins

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By Asbarez Staff on Feb 19th, 2010

`I won’t eat anything that had a face or a mother,’ the late Linda
McCartney once said. Her and her husband Paul (of Beatles fame) were
ardent supporters of a vegetarian lifestyle and had also never tasted
my uncle’s famous Armenian style barbecue (khorovadz.) But Linda’s
quote has become the motto of many vegetarians and animal rights
activists around the world and couldn’t be a term that worse describes
my own personal carnivorous diet. In fact, if I really like how a
particular cut of meat or meal tastes, I’m liable to find its siblings
and parents and see if the succulence is hereditary. And thank God
(literally) that I’m Christian because I could not live in any culture
or society that judged me for eating pork.

I dig on pig along with cattle, buffalo, goat, sheep, chicken, turkey,
fish, shellfish and anything else that can be raised, sold (legally)
and cooked. Which makes what I’m about to do one of the hardest things
I have ever done. Starting on Wednesday (February 17, 2009) and for
the following 40 days after Fat Tuesday (Poun Paregentan in Armenian)
I shall not eat any animal product. I’ve decided to do something that
many of my friends don’t believe I can do – honor our Armenian
heritage and observe Lent.

`You’ll never do it,’ commented one friend. `You’ve never met a piece
of meat you didn’t like!’ This is only partially true. I once got sick
off some bad chee kofte (Armenian steak tartare) at a friend’s New
Year’s party during the serving of appetizers and swore off eating
meat completely. I got so sick that my face turned greener than the
Chicago River on St. Patrick’s Day. But that only lasted until the
main course when plates of lule kebab came sizzling hot on a plate of
lavash bread that had been soaking all of the grilled meats juices and
oils – well, you get the picture. Giving up meat is going to be hard
and will require every ounce of will power I have. I It will take more
willpower than the time I resisted the urge to let the air out of the
tires of the Range Rover that stole my parking spot at the Glendale
Galleria (actually, she took two spots because she learned how to park
from an instructor who apparently suffered from a severe case of
astigmatism.) Or the urge to tell the middle aged fake blonde mother
on her cell phone who was driving said Range Rover that her makeup and
hair made her look like someone spilled a can of peroxide and
cosmetics on her head during a hurricane. Don’t even judge me for that
– you’ve had the exact same thoughts.

But this isn’t just about being an observant Armenian Christian who
wants to keep a pure Lenten diet. I want to do this to prove to myself
that I’m able to deprive myself of something that I have every day
without caving in. I’m approaching this with the dedication and
attention to detail of an explorer preparing for an expedition. I’ve
stocked up on rice and bulgur and even have a box of this Incan or
Peruvian grain called quinoa. I have cans of fava and garbanzo beans
lined up in my cupboard and have bought a big bag of lentils (black
and orange). I’ve got a canister of olive oil and potatoes and onions.
So I have the basics and figure I’ll buy fresh fruits and vegetables
on a weekly basis so they won’t spoil too quickly. I’ve come up with a
schedule of when to visit Super King market and how to do all my
shopping and avoid the meat and seafood sections of the store. On
Tuesday night I had my last Zankou chicken(s) and feel that I’m now
prepared to take this challenge head on.

I’m not going to change anything about my lifestyle. I’ll still go to
Raffi’s Kebab when my Persian Armenian friends want to go out or to
Carousel when my Beirutsi friends who want to get their kebab fix or
to any Armenian banquet hall when invited to an event. The goal is
going to be to see how an Armenian who is trying to observe Lent and
keep his traditions alive can possibly survive in a society dominated
by … OTHER ARMENIANS! Will my own people look at me weird when I
refuse to order the Sultani plate with the barg (filet) and koobideh
(ground meat lule style)? Will my friends think I’ve lost my mind when
I don’t have the Sultan Ibrahim (fried red mullet fish) plate with
filet mignon on the side and a glass of tan (yogurt and mint beverage)
to wash it all down? It’s going to be interesting to see if Armenians
will take kindly to my militant vegan choices and whether I’ll be able
to make it to 40 days without losing my mind.

All I ask is that you send me your best, most satisfying recipes and
ideas for Lenten dishes. I know there are some crazy people out there
who still believe in our traditions and I want to hear from you. I
also know that our Armenian kitchen is a treasure trove of vegetarian
and vegan delights so please share your wisdom and experience with me.
We’ll keep each other posted on our progress and see how long I can
last. In the meantime, I’m going to try to find a place that can make
a falafel shaped like a 16 oz. rib eye steak.

Skeptik Sinikian plans on doubling his meat consumption after Lent and
Easter to make up for lost time. He will eat anything as long as it’s
not endangered or illegal. You can reach him at
SkeptikSinikian@aol.com