The Spoof (Satire), UK
Oct 20 2007
Iraq War Ends
Washington Toast – The war in Iraq has ended! This was sooner than
expected due to events traced back to the fall of the Ottoman empire.
During the final stages of WWI, over one million Armenians were
killed at the hands of the Turkish army. A committee in the U.S.
House of Representatives voted to name the deaths of the Armenians an
official act of genocide.
Turkey, a U.S. ally who supplies 30% of the fuel and allows 70% cargo
support for the war in Iraq to travel through their nation,
announced, "Don’t vote or else." The House voted and the "or else"
followed. In a snit, Turkey decided to stop fuel and cargo transport,
making the war in Iraq roll to an out of gas, gearing-down,
brake-squeaking stop. The war is over. Happy days are here again.
Hats off to Turkey and Nancy Pelosi!
Without fuel, car bombers can’t back their suicide vehicles out of
garages and drive to targeted destinations. Pushing cars a mile or so
isn’t considered. Take a taxi? No fuel, silly. Coalition driven
Humvees can’t roar out of bases to patrol surrounding neighborhoods.
Sunnis and Shiites are talking once again, commiserating with
insurgents and Blackwater contractors about the fuel shortage. All
agree: using bicycles is just not part of the Iraqi, Mad Max war,
windshield-cowboy image. Peace has invaded Iraq.
What global warming did for Al Gore, the cancellation of fuel and
cargo supplies could do for Turkey, catapulting the nation into
winning a Nobel Peace Prize Peace.
Troops will be home by Christmas, presumably using Al-Qaeda rafts,
canoes, or solar powered jet skies. Some scream troop withdrawal as
cut and running, and coming home with their tails between their legs.
The only people with tails between their collective legs are the men
and woman who assured the U. S. about WMD in Iraq, spoke of smoking
guns, mushroom clouds, another 9/11, and also avoided serving in the
military by stacking up deferments.
"Dang! I’m the decider. War in Iraq can’t quit till I say it’s quit!"
"Kid, connect the dots. Iraq is out of gas."
s2i25971
From: Emil Lazarian | Ararat NewsPress
