BEAT OFFICIAL SNOOPERS THE EASY WAY – JUST LIE THROUGH YOUR TEETH
by Rod Liddle
Sunday Times (London)
November 5, 2006, Sunday
You are being watched, right now. I don’t mean by your spouse,
either. She, or he, through the complex transactions of love, has
acquired the right to be privy to your most private and repulsive
moments, for which good luck. I mean by shadowy others, people who
will not have your best interests at heart, who will not give you
the benefit of the doubt. By which I don’t mean the neighbours.
We are the most spied on people in the western world, apparently.
According to the watchdog Privacy International, among the few that
suffer worse intrusion in their lives are the Russians and the Chinese
and -one might argue cruelly -they’re used to it.
Three hundred CCTV cameras, on average, were witness to whatever
dark, dubious stuff you were up to yesterday, for example. They
caught that moment you picked your nose in the traffic jam and swore
under your breath at the driver of the BMW who cut you up at the
intersection. Cross your fingers he wasn’t a black bloke.
They noticed you gazing longingly at that young Polish cleaner emerging
from an office block at 7.30am. They got it all down.
According to Richard Thomas, the UK information commissioner, we are
"waking up to a surveillance society". (Why, incidentally, do we have
a UK information commissioner? What’s the point of that? And when
was the job advertised?) Our authorities -be they the government,
local councils with their weird gizmos in our waste bins to make sure
we’ve put the right stuff in the right bag, the filth, the taxman,
the credit card companies, our employers and our banks have become
drunk on the idea of complete control. The notion that they will
be able to make important judgments about us without our conscious
involvement, without caveat, is hugely agreeable to them. They have
our lives mapped out before them.
As the appalling Howard Kirk had it in Malcolm Bradbury’s The History
Man, privacy is a redundant, bourgeois concept.
The only recourse left is subtle civil disobedience. It’s no use
torching speed cameras because you’ll invariably be caught doing so
by another, better hidden, camera nearby. Far better that we organise
a mass campaign of lying.
The next time you are asked for superfluous, private, information
on some official form, lie through your teeth. When you break your
arm punching a council official and attend the outpatient department
of your local hospital, put down on the ludicrous "nationalities"
form that you’re an Armenian. Unless you’re Armenian – in which case,
swallow your pride and tell them you’re Azerbaijani.
When the census forms arrive, insist you are the worshipper of a new
cult based around David Miliband. Give them the wrong address, tell
them you’re gay, or transgendered, or dead. Tell them you speak only
Swahili or Gaelic. Lie to them all, the banks, building societies,
your employers if they inquire whether or not you smoke, or how fat
you are. Lie always and for ever.
Refuse to shop in malls festooned with CCTV, or wear a Stone Island
hoodie. Undo their machinations with a surfeit of wholly false
information, the more baroque in its imagining the better. Let them
know that there is one private area to which they do not have access,
or domain.
From: Emil Lazarian | Ararat NewsPress
